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She explains: "This time the attraction was his mind, and because of the veneer I had gained in my first marriage, he assumed I came from higher up the social scale than I really did.
But although he liked my warmth and spirit, he was frustrated that I hadn't developed as an intellectual."The third man in Yvonne's life and father of Joseph, 7, was "definitely working class" and it was his uninhibited lust for fun, his emotional openness and "towering, illuminating" sexuality which were the pull this time.
While I have always been welcome in Lisa's house, she is seen by my family as someone who is "not worthy of their son." I try to evaluate Lisa as an individual and not necessarily "one of them," to find merit in her actions, and to avoid falling into the trap of judging her by others.
This imbalance of power may not have been problematic in times when marriage was not supposed to be a relationship between equals – in patriarchal societies, it was accepted that the male partner would wield more sexual, economic and political sway over the female partner in all institutions ranging from law, medicine, governance to family and marriage.
Likewise in matrilineal societies, a husband submitted to living with his wife’s family and adapting himself to the ways of the established household.
Yvonne explains: "I felt completely at ease with him and I felt more classy, more educated than him - my own working-class origins were thoroughly blurred by this time - and that was a relief after so often feeling inadequate before." But here, too, their differences got in the way and they separated.
Yvonne says: "What I learned was just how much class does seem to have a meaning when you choose a partner." Yvonne's attempts to find a match where class seemed, as she had always hoped and assumed "at best an interest, or otherwise unimportant" may be extreme, but the significance of place in the social scale when people fall in love is a popular theme these days.
Also, you know that the only way both of you could travel together on a regular basis is if he pays for you, and that just seems wrong.
Likewise, it could be the other way round and you are the girl from an upper-middle-class family, while your man has a working class background.
Even though I'm aware of what my parents are warning me about, I'm confident they can be talked out with my future life partner.
So we decided to get married, and when our two families met, my family (as I was expecting) did not find their family acceptable.
My parents will have to pay for the entire wedding, since their family hardly has enough money to live each day.
My parents argue (with reason) that Lisa's parents are irresponsible for not doing more to help their own daughter, plus her parents act as if they're entitled to an opinion on how the wedding should be.
Dear Rosie & Sherry, Your column continues to amaze me and I enjoy opening my homepage to look for your insights every time! Almost four years ago I began dating my fiancee, "Lisa." Our relationship continued normally, but as I got to know her family, many of their attitudes and ways of raising children began to sound alarms for me.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating